I am turning a year older and I may be going through a quarter-life crisis, but I figured some ways to cope with birthday blues that actually work for me.
Suddenly, my life started to become meaningless.
There are mornings that I would just stare at the ceiling, hoping that it has a wormhole which will swallow me alive.
There are moments where I would just like to ditch everything, explore the world, and never return here again.
There are times that I would like to work abroad but fear would overpower me even before I’ll start submitting my resume.
There are instances that I would cry over videos or articles to which I can relate.
There are evenings that I would just pray and cry my heart out for the things I cannot fathom.
There are mornings that I would wonder why my life is not turning out how I expected it would.
There are moments that I would go back and forth between the battle of working abroad or climbing the corporate ladder.
There are times that I would like to slap people who pick on me or second-guess my capabilities because I look younger than my age.
There are instances that I would wonder why I didn’t just become a butterfly because being a human is freaking tiring.
There are evenings that I would go home exhausted from doing nothing and wholeheartedly pray because I can no longer bear the hopelessness.
There are mornings that I would ask myself why I hadn’t done anything yet that can change the world.
There are moments that I would just cry over the injustices suffered by the lower classes.
There are times that I would just like to be alone forever because almost everyone is annoying and awful.
There are instances that I would like to do something I’ve always wanted to try, but never had the guts to do it.
There are evenings that I would like to share my feelings, thoughts, and everything that I’m going through with my friends and family, but would think otherwise because they will not understand me anyway.
There are mornings that I would wish I had the power to freeze the time so I can see how people are trying to earn a living and yet losing their lives.
There are mornings that I would wish I hadn’t woken up.
However, regardless of all the negative thoughts that would enter my mind, I would always end my day filled with prayers of surrender because I know I can’t win the universe on my side by myself. I need Someone who’s stronger than me. And that probably tops my ways to cope with birthday blues.
I may be going through the stage where I am the weakest, most sensitive, most uncertain, and most vulnerable but I know that I have to successfully go through this phase because of the dreams that keep me going.
I want to bring my parents to every corner of the world.
I want to get married and to have kids.
I want to take up further studies.
I want to give back to my benefactors and to everyone who helped and believed in me.
I want to help abandoned elderly.
I want to help the victims of injustices.
I want to write books and to talk in front of thousands of people and inspire them to see the best in themselves regardless of what other people say.
I want to write novels and make people realize that true love and forever exist.
I want to learn how to swim, to ride a bike, to cook, to bake cake/cookies, and to play piano or violin.
I want to travel around the world and be mesmerized by the beauty of each country.
I want to run a company and mentor/motivate my employees.
I want to grow old with someone who would love me no matter what happens.
I want to be happy and to be the person I was created to be.
I honestly don’t know how to handle the mix feelings of helplessness, confusion, frustration, envy, and hopelessness that I’m feeling at my age, but I will not allow this crisis to take me down or out. I’m embracing it and using it to my advantage.
I know that this too shall pass and I’ll be at the top of my game anytime soon. Besides, I still have many more years to get my shit together. 😉
For now, I’ll stop listening to the voices of “supposed to be” because I just want to be ME. <3
Hang in there, self. 🙂
P.S. Hi, whoever you reading this. I hope that you find your best ways to cope with birthday blues amidst all these uncertainties in life we face as we get older.