How I Handled Bullying

How I handled bullying is probably one of the feats that I can be truly proud of.

While I believe in the innate goodness of every human being, there is an ugly truth which was true yesterday, which is true today, and which will be true tomorrow: MEAN PEOPLE EXIST

But the ugliest truth is regardless of the kindness you show them, they will still trample over you emotionally for the reason only God knows. Sometimes, we tend to overstep that thin line between being funny and being mean. You can be funny without being harsh on someone, yes?

When I was growing up, I knew that I was unique, beautiful, intelligent, and talented.  I was pretty confident about myself. I knew that I was not like anyone else and I am loved for being just the way I am (well, that was at least what my loved ones made me feel). I was outgoing, accommodating, and unfussy.

But when the adolescence set in,  I saw before my very eyes how people can be so cruel and judgmental and discriminating and insensitive and awfully bullsh*t. People got mean and meaner to me. I experienced public shaming, name calling, and verbal bullying. For them, it was so damn cool that they were able to get attention by making me look damned ridiculous. It was too funny for them, it was the edge of breaking down for me. All of these have made me become introvert, reserved, sensitive, and very selective of friends.

People who barely know me always think that I am aloof.  But the truth is, all my past experience has made me very guarded on giving a piece of myself to the people who are not close to me. There are times that I am hesitant to make new friends because I would think that I am inept or they would eventually end up hurting me.  I almost always hate parties because I hate being the butt of jokes. If someone picks on me, there are times that I would choose to give tit for tat by also throwing foul jokes to him. It’s my way to let him feel that hellish feeling. But I hate retaliating so I would always end up crying and loathing myself.

So how I handled bullying? People still tease me lightly and harshly now and then, but it’s okay. I have learned to choose my battles because some of them are really not worth sweating over. I still get offended over brutal remarks, yes, but it’s okay. I have learned to stop fussing over opinions from people who really don’t matter. I have learned that for someone to appreciate happiness and heaven, he has to go through sadness and hell. Sadness is something that makes someone fully human.

To the browbeating people, be very careful when you pick on or public-shame someone because you might not know that someone is always struggling every morning in picking up her shattered confidence just to get through the day. You see, what is cool for you might be devastating for someone. Picking on someone else’s weakness does not make you stronger or better.

I know I can’t please everyone, I’m done trying. I’m also tired of mingling with little minds who take delight in throwing rocks at something that shines (Taylor Swift, there you go) so if I don’t show interest in you, take it as a cue.

We live in a harsh world but life comes down to 2 choices: cave into life’s losing side or revel in life’s winning side. Every day I make the decision to cherish the care and love that I didn’t earn but are freely given by the people who see me beyond my scantiness. How I handled bullying might be different from how you handle your own bullying experience, it does not matter as long as we choose to celebrate the good in every bad and choose to be kind every day, life will celebrate with us.

P.S. Be stronger and happier, self.

P.S.2. This is probably the first time that I have ever talked about this. Neither my family nor my closest friends know that I went through something like this. But the more I am vulnerable, the more I feel connected to other people who go through the same experience.